Ant War Activities

Ants2.gifI checked all the major news outlets, but couldn’t find any coverage of the ant war that took place in my garage last night. Yesterday evening when I was out playing with Emma, I noticed a small swarm of brown ants just outside the garage. They were emerging from the crack between the driveway asphalt and the concrete garage floor, then just kind of circling excitedly. I thought this was odd since there wasn’t any apparent food source, but since Emma is currently fascinated with bugs it was a good chance for her to observe ants aplenty!

This morning when I checked the ant hot spot to make sure things hadn’t gotten out of hand, I saw something even more curious–tiny brown splinters were scattered at the entrance to the garage. At first I thought maybe the ants were tunneling into the wood that frames the garage door, but when I looked more closely I discovered that the “splinters” weren’t wooden at all. They were two ants, either dead or dying, locked mandible-to-mandible in an itsy bitsy death grip. There beneath my enormous hurried shoe, an Ant War was afoot!

As I looked down on the carnage of this Ant War battlefield, I wondered: Had valiant soldier ants had defended their queen and colony against invasion, or was it simply a skirmish over which colony had rights to the crumbs left on the garage floor when the kids drop snacks out of our vehicles? Obviously, the truth about this war was being suppressed by both the news bees and the ant colonies. I looked around for protester ants carrying signs 10 times their own weight and scrawled with anti-Ant War slogans, but none were to be found.

However, all arguments over Ant War issues were rendered moot when I deployed my arsenal of chemical sprays over the area. This was ordered partially as a deterrent for future invasions, and partially as a mercy killing for the still-battling ants that were hanging on until the bitter end.

Strange how this sort of mass, escalating violence is a natural inevitability for most complex living systems on the planet.Ants1.gif


2 Responses

  1. Perhaps this entire story is just one huge anti-war analogy – there is nothing over which we should fight to the death. The big, tall god from above could wipe out our entire civilization without any notice. Think of how futile the deaths of those two ants were. They could have spent their last moments living peacefully and be snuffed out instantly. Instead, they died bruised and bloodied. It’s all a crying, heaving shame…

  2. Not if they were Klingon ants. In which case, dying for the cause of valor would have been sufficient.I wonder what the Klingon anti-war crowd would be like? “Kill each other, not the enemy!”

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